Tutte: the beginning

i just heard the news, Tutte is going to give up! i’ll never forget where i was when i heard, i was sitting at my computer playing with Facebook, now that moment will haunt me forever.

I remember when i first heard about Tutte, it was on the AZTA list, people were talking about this fresh new voice in the dharma world, and his name was Tutte. They said he was funny and silly and they liked him.

But i didn’t like him, i liked him a lot. he said things i had been trying to say, but he was funny, and so people listened to him. He told the harsh truth about some realities of Zen that needed a voice. He was my hero.

Buddhism you see, is in a precarious place now, in America. its old enough to know right from wrong, and to tell the truth about itself, for the good and bad. But it’s taking some very painful stories of abuse to jumpstart this long overdue dialogue. I’ll always remember one of the teachers saying that it may take all the old school teachers to die of before the new generations can make this needed shift. well, i hope they all don’t die very soon.

Tutte gave me an example of what could be shared and owned, even if it ran against the stream, or even jumped out of the stream and climbed a fucking tree and jumped on top of a fisherman, a challenge to rise to the occasion of an occasional brush with brutal self reflection, honesty and idiocy.

i feel more idiotic than ever, and i thank Tutte for this. more people dont like my teachings than ever, and i thank tutte for this. i care less about what i should teach than ever before, and i thank tutte for this. and i cuss more than ever, and yes, i fucking thank tutte for this.

He looked shockingly similar to the mayer of london. but he was different, he was more honest and upfront about his intentions to make money, pimp the dharma and its ingenues, and he proved to the very very very small world of zen bloggers that the teacher with the biggest ego in the history of buddhism was just a figment of our dim imagination.

never slow to give a helping hand of encouragement to anyone who was willing to wake up to the emptiness of success, nor too cool to be silent when he has had enough bullshit from haters who are just jealous of him and his friends.

he has given a new breath of fresh air to a new generation of teachers(all 4 of us), i can only hope to carry this torch of ridiculously good looking dharma half as half heartedly as he.

i am a bit disappointed that he decided to leave just after i got his name and logo tattooed on my thigh. but i will always remember him when i take off my pants or shorts. thank you tutte, you are a god in my eyes and on my thighs.

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